Maybe I'm crazy

Despite the dazzling technicolor world at the bottom of the rabbit hole, I am here to tell you that "Wonderland" can be exquisitely terrifying. "Eat me" "Drink me" the labels said...and I did. Oh, I did! A summer lost and now the pills. My random fantasy made concrete with pharmaceuticals. And thank heaven for them, for out on that dark cloud what horrors tormented me. A barbecue. Prison rape scenarios. The entire world whispering against me. Nature herself as the white queen- with a house of cards all set in motion to my gruesome undoing. And yet I am returned to this side of the looking glass with none of my psychotic horrors having claimed me. Whew! How very real those threats appeared through the eyes of insanity.
Long had I smoked without ever falling into the mouth of madness. Joyfully I explored those fringe ideas that great thinkers before me must have stumbled across. "Eat me." "Drink me." That print is too fine now to read and lost on warning labels too lengthy to bother with. Anxiety. Muscle spasms. Restlessness. $700 for a pill that I assure you made more crazy than it resolved.
But Cannabis, my beloved cannabis. The paranoia and the munchies were her only failings and I had mastered them both. But no. "They" tell me it was she that did me in. That marijuana laced with some other substance caused schizophrenia. Of course that was later refuted-balked at, even. 2 mental wards. She said this and he said that and 4 doctors and, I don't know, 6 other prescriptions later, I am returned to "normalcy" with no real explanation of anything. I am grateful and yet...Dare I smoke again? That fall was great, indeed. I do not deny it. The terror surreal and crippling. The damaged relationships never to be repaired. But was it marijuana or simply my time to snap? Who knows? Lord knows the world we are handed is enough to make anyone who is paying attention have some sort of melt down- given the right circumstances,of course. The answer is easy. Ask anyone. Don't risk it. I know. I know. Nevermore. Nevermore. Damn raven.